Infesting our cities in vast populations, these sky rats with the eyes of Satan are evil, I fear. With their dinosaur-like claws and unblinking scarlet eyes, these small creatures are either government spies or the embodiment of something truly evil. They walk with a funky head wobble that some may call cute, but reminds me of a clunky Disney animatronic. What funky grooves are you listening to? What do you know that I don’t?
These Satan-lings will not hesitate to tear your skin open with their grime-covered beak when you sit down near them. You have food that you’d like to eat? Too bad, it belongs to the birds now because they decided so. You are now in their territory. Disobey at your own risk.
As a disclaimer, my strong opinion on this matter is not, in fact, influenced by a certain traumatic lunchtime in a gondola with pigeons on the floor, benches and table back in Monterey when I was eight or something. Why would you think that?
Pigeons should not be trusted– I regard all of these government spies with a wary eye, and I hope you do, too.