By Ting Lian
“Which country are you really from?”
“Your English is so good!”
“You’re a great ___ for a (gender)”
“Well, you don’t look ___.”
“That’s so exotic.”
I’m sure nearly every person of color, of any gender or sexuality, has interacted with one of these comments. These comments are often identified as microaggressions, which are “indirect, subtle, or unintentional discrimination against members of a marginalized group,” as defined by Mental Health America.
At first glance, these comments are not of ill intent and can come from a positive light, and thus aren’t an act of discrimination. So what defines the line between a harmless comment and a microaggression?
The tone in which a phrase is said can completely change the meaning and connotation it carries from the speaker. For example:
“Which country are you from? My family is from Wales.”
“So what kind of Asian are you?”
The first speaker is curious about their conversation partner’s origin, just like the second speaker. However, the second speaker’s use of “what kind” implies that the Asian ethnicity is a general brand, where each unique race is a variation, and the speaker also assumes that the counterpart is from Asia. The first speaker asks and shares their story, which implies better that they are genuinely curious and want to interact in the topic together, rather than simply identifying a person with a label.
Microaggressions can be easily dismissed, but over time a pattern of microaggressions in conversations can make someone feel overlooked, misrepresented, and otherwise discriminated against.
“You know you remind me of someone?”
“Who?”
“My friend in the orchestra, she’s lesbian, like you.”
To the speaker, people that they have labeled “Japanese” are all similar. Every individual, regardless of their origin, gender, sexual orientation, or any identity, possesses an individuality that should not be reduced nor simplified into a category.
Some fear being called out for being “too sensitive” or that the offender was “ just trying to understand”. And in some cases, the offense might actually be accidental, from a mispronunciation or lack of awareness, meaning no harm was intentionally meant. While this lack of awareness does not excuse the impact of the remark, it distinguishes a clumsy misstep from a deliberate insult. Don’t be afraid to say something, and it’s best to distance yourself if the offender remains ignorant of their mistakes.
The distinction between a harmless remark and a microaggression hinges on contextual factors such as underlying assumptions, conversational impact, and the presence of stereotypes. While mutual curiosity builds genuine connection, microaggressions diminish an individual’s complexity by reducing them to broad categorical assumptions.