By Roman Soto
The grand road to college lies ahead. A path of adventure and change. Like a superhero confronting his greatest foe, I stand tall, pride masking the thousands of thoughts that recklessly race through my mind; I face a vast world of connection, adventure, hardship, and triumph. A world where the young simplicities we unknowingly take for granted dissolve into thin air. Where the birds sing a song of tradition, custom, and stability. Where the cushion of varied mistakes suddenly transforms into an unforgiving concrete slab of punishment. Behind me, the many people I’ve met, people who have loved me, hurt me, taught me, and ultimately shaped me into the boy who stands before them, faced with an impossible decision. As I frantically scour the crowd for a sign of what to do, no one responds, and the decision is uniquely mine. Every person, every pair of eyes is a bittersweet dagger that glimmers with hope and a desperate yearning not to let me slip away. The feeling overwhelms me, and I close my eyes.
In my most vulnerable state, I lie awake at night, thoughts relentlessly invading my mind. Without the constant outdoor activity that preoccupies my daily routine, a single still moment devastates any built-up walls of emotional serenity. Night is when the walls of my facade crumble. “No, I’m not worried,” I repeatedly convince myself, “College better look out for me, not the other way around.” It seems so distant until the decision to choose the door to your future slithers up to you slowly and sinisterly, hands you the keys to each one; “Let’s see what your future holds,” it says.
Is that dream school far enough to truly embrace the independence coupled with a life outside of my home, the place where I feel I truly belong? Is it too far to lose my loved ones entirely? Friends, family, how will they fare without my dumb jokes or chaotic manners? Who will look out for my brother when I’m not close? Who will correct my wrongs? Instill a sense of discipline when I’m so far away? Where do the values for my educational future rank? Is this increasingly aggravated discomfort supposed to occur?
My constant worry and cynicism leave me in shambles. “Life does not deserve to be lived like this,” I think to myself. All this stress over an undetermined future has left me dissociated from what really matters: the time I have with these people I love so much and my personal journey through it all. Yes, it is normal to have questions—to feel overwhelmed and frightened—to feel an inexplicable loneliness. But I shouldn’t let these institutional complexities interrupt my way of life. I won’t let it stop me from being me. I will embrace the skepticism and the questions. The answers will come soon enough.
A bittersweet excitement floods me. I am optimistic.
Ultimately, the night of flustered uncertainty submits to the dawn of a new era, where the birds sing a song newly written, imperfect, yet promising. Where the purposely isolated regions of repressive tranquility, previously plaguing my mind, transform into a hub for new wisdom. And lastly, where the glistening rays of a poignant sun reflect the wistful truth hidden within my parents’ gentle tears. They’ve protected me from the worst, concealed me from cruelty, yet despite their lack of words, their faces say it all: “Go on and experience the life we raised you to achieve.”
Thus, readers, for those who may feel the way I feel, my simplified message to you is this: the cultivated love we have felt in our youth extends beyond any emotional confines and past contemporary doubt. The memories- the moments where you lifted that “Champion” trophy in the air surrounded by teammates, when your head slowly sinks after a disappointing mistake, when your family embraces you in an instant of unconditional support, and when you say your goodbyes, those will stay with you forever. They shape us into who we are. So carry yourself with pride. Accept the doubt, thrive in it, and take the step. Smile, have fun, and take the risk. Every day I am learning that there is so much more to explore and so many experiences to own. I may be afraid, but I am alive to adventure. Loved ones will miss you, but to pioneer change in this world, you must spread your wings and live a life outside the nest. No matter what you’ve done or where you stand, you are capable of taking that step.