By Rosie Lu
Sitting down for dinner at the end of a long day is one of the best feelings. Whether you eat out with friends, enjoy a home-cooked family meal, or share a dazzling array of dishes at a potluck, food is what brings people together. It’s all eager conversation and slowly savoring each bite until someone starts doing the two at the same time. That unfortunate person begins to talk, food flies out as they attempt to chew through the bite, and an air of overall disgust falls over the table.
You might be the kindest, sweetest, most empathetic person in the world, but no one can stand a full meal with you if you chew with your mouth open. Table manners are a show of respect for both the food and the people you eat with. In the modern era, our society has established some unwritten rules—no chewing with an open mouth or while talking, as mentioned, wait until everyone is served to begin eating, match the pace of your dining companions, avoid touching any food with your hands, refrain from making excessive noise when drinking or chewing, etcetera. When the chef is also the host, no over-seasoning your food with condiments and do your best to finish the plate.
Beyond being a form of etiquette and social interaction, table manners are often weaponized as a judgement of character and education level, especially in the workplace. For most, European dining etiquette is what comes to mind when imagining a meal shared by an upper echelon family. Wrists on the table edge, knife in the left hand, fork in the right; cross the utensils when resting and lay them parallel when finished. Know the different silverware for every course to be refined and elegant. But many non-European cultures do not raise their children with these expectations. Burping and slurping noodles and soup in some East Asian countries is a sign of appreciation, leaving a small amount of food on the plate in China signifies that the host prepared just enough, and different main utensils are highly normalized worldwide—chopsticks and bare hands among them. Colonial settlers considered these habits uncivilized or inferior and imposed European dining styles on their subjects, and that stigma carries over to today. Sharing a meal with company higher-ups might mean losing a promotion opportunity because of the way you hold your fork or rotate through your utensils. The same also occurs in reverse—Asian restaurants often automatically place forks rather than the usual chopsticks in front of white customers—and though they perhaps mean well, they are also suggesting that the person lacks the respect to appreciate or learn about other cultures.
Conflicts in table manners can also be attributed to an ever-changing pop culture. Over the past century, fast food and casual joint chains have taken over the country. What that means for consumers is quicker eating, handheld food items, and individual freedom in schedule over family time. With fewer multi-course or home-cooked meals, the time frame and the group of people we dine with shrinks, and table etiquette loosens. The development of widespread technology such as cell phones and television likewise relaxes dining manners. Consuming media along with food is commonplace in modern family settings, whether that’s watching a movie or scrolling on social media while eating. One of America’s favorite traditions, the annual Super Bowl, revolves around eating bite-sized snacks with hands while gathered in front of the television watching football.
But whether it’s the aristocracy dining with fancy silverware or a 20th century family enjoying a Taco Tuesday movie night, the goal of table manners remains clear: eat in a way where those around you are comfortable and can enjoy their food to its fullest. That doesn’t mean you have to use five different forks, or sit with your back as straight as a ruler. Dine with standards, yes, but understand those standards are never universal. After all, the goal was never for everyone to become an assembly line copy at the dinner table, but for everyone to leave the table full and satisfied.