By Anna Genna and Diego Mantelli
As everyone’s favorite season rolls around, Anna, a former Girl Scout, and I, a renowned foodie, have decided to come together and create a holy matrimony of a Girl Scout cookie rating. All cookies, besides an honorable mention, are baked by Little Brownie Bakers, the provider of cookies to Northern California. So sit down, grab a snack, and prepare to criticize our every word.
Adventurefuls – B-
Anna – Not the worst certainly; nice addition to the lineup. They get stale really quickly though.
Diego- Not the best, but lowkey one of my favorites, they do get stale really fast though.
Thin Mints – B+
Anna- Overrated. Sorry, but they really are not all that people make them out to be. Unless you have them frozen, then they actually slap.
Diego- An above-average cookie, easily cracks my top 3. That being said, it is overrated and not nearly as good as everyone says they are.
Samoas – A+
Anna – The best current cookie out there. Glorious in all ways possible.
Diego- Easily the best cookie. It has a lot of haters, but overall, the mix of shortbread, caramel, chocolate, and coconut is superior.
Tagalongs – B-
Anna – These used to be my favorite cookie, but I feel like it has gone downhill.
Diego – By no means terrible, but also not that good.
Do si dos – C
Anna – Are these incredible? No. Are these atrocious? Also no. I won’t go out of my way to buy them, but if they are in front of me I will eat them.
Diego- They’re definitely edible, but I’m not dropping 6 dollars on them.
Trefoils – D
Anna – These are boring cookies for boring people. Nothing about eating these plain cookies sounds appealing.
Diego- These were my great aunt’s favorite, and they are about as bland as she was.
Lemon ups – B-
Anna: Lemon Ups sit in the shadow of Savannah Smiles, which is unfortunate because they are pretty good. Besides the fact that when I eat them I have to ingest a positive affirmation, these cookies are solid.
Diego- Meh. Just, meh
Girl Scout S’mores – trash, F
Anna – No. Just no. I adore actual smores, the ones you eat on a camping trip after putting your whole soul into making a meager, little fire. These are sickeningly sweet and belong in the trash can.
Diego- These are actually pretty good. In my opinion. That being said, I do get why Anna hates on them so much.
Toffeetastic – not bad, but the toffee always gets stuck in your teeth, D+
Anna – Toffeetastics are the only gluten-free cookie I believe, and I am so sorry to people who cannot eat gluten because these suck. They crumble so easily and make a mess, while the toffee gets stuck in your teeth and just stays for lifetimes. Not as bad as the s’more though.
Diego- I used to love these, but now they’re extremely mediocre
Honorable Mentions:
Savannah Smiles: S, maybe it’s cause we miss them but those were like drugs
Anna – Petition to bring these back, because everyone misses them. Maybe distance makes the heart grow fonder, but I am so fond of these cookies.
Diego- Good lord these cookies were amazing, or so I remember.
Hollister Smores: A- They stopped making these in 2021, and they were only available in Hollister and the Central Valley. That being said, these cookies were so good, and the fact they were discontinued made me cry.
Safeway Knockoffs: B+
Diego- Fun fact: Safeway’s in-house brand makes similar-tasting cookies that are only 3 dollars. And they’re available year-round. You can thank me later.
Little Brownie Baker is the provider.