By Barry Hirshfeld

Based upon a recent survey conducted by the professional Westmont Warriors journalism staff, the vast majority of our school is rooting for the Golden State Warriors in the NBA Playoffs. 70% of the student body has responded in favor of the Warriors, while a considerable minority of 30% is rooting for the Boston Celtics. This may or may not be a direct result of my status as a delusional Celtics superfan. However, on an odd note, there appears to be very few actual fans of the Celtics in the results of the survey, only those rooting for them. Perhaps the survey is rigged? Who knows. Furthermore, there were several individuals claiming to be fans of the Detroit Pistons and the Orlando Magic. Clearly, these people are jokesters as these poverty franches are devoid of any fans, even ones from the 80s and 90s have moved on due to their recent horribleness. Even more hilarious is the fact that none of these people are rooting for the Miami Heat, despite the teams close proximity to both Detroit and Orlando. Step up your rigging capabilities, people. Be like me, Barry Hirshfeld.