By Joshua Chand
Across the decrepit canals of human history, there lies a consistent, unadulterated fact: war. In every century, in every country, everywhere, necessary war has been waged. No matter how justified, however, many men, women, and children have suffered because of war. Therefore, we should work to end war. How? Well, it’s quite simple, really. We declared a war on terror, a war on poverty, a war on drugs—why not one on war itself? Now, I hereby declare the dawn of the war on war. The first step on the path to tranquil times is to first eliminate diplomacy and its fruitless arbiters.
Tawdry, useless institutions like the United Nations only serve to make war more difficult by attempting “peace.” The UN wishes to provide aid to need the alms of the citizens in war-ravaged countries and to instill peace—pathetic! Let us do the necessary and proper thing to satiate the needs of the down-trodden: start a war. A war to stop the war in that country would do wonders for them. And to those who say war is costly: The only money spent for any “humanitarian” operations or “diplomatic” measures would be better spent on war. Every second those chatty politicians talk endlessly about policy-that and policy-that, another war could have begun—what a shame! Politicians the likes of Obama are the reason war still exists! That Obama-hack has the gall to boldly proclaim “Only a just peace based on the inherent rights and dignity of every individual can truly be lasting.” If only he knew the irony! He had the ability to end wars with a war!
Diplomacy and ineffectual sweet-nothings have never helped anybody. Has diplomacy stopped a mortar shell? No. Has diplomacy ever saved children from the horrors of war? No. Has diplomacy pushed back invaders from foreign lands? No. The citizens of fallen countries who lost their previous homes, family, and livelihoods can rest assured, however, that we are going to do the right thing, kickoff a war!
In addition, diplomacy only makes the world a worse place. For example, take the Cuban Missile Crisis. So what if the world avoided World War Three? It could’ve been the war to end all wars! Out of all the “leaders” of the free, peaceful world, surely Kennedy was the most foolish of them all: He could’ve saved the world a whole lot of trouble right there and then. Had we started something actually worthwhile instead of, God forbid, diplomacy, we would be in a much better place. The third World War would’ve been justified because it was necessary—much like all wars are necessary. Want an example? Look at the United States.
The US could have negotiated and talked with Sadam Hussein—but why? The US has no business talking to monsters. Instead, let’s bomb them to prevent them from using their weapons of mass destruction—even if Iraq didn’t have any weapons of mass destruction. Still, the Iraq War was still necessary because the war outed a dangerous, vile, and ruthless dictator. Eventually, because of the war in Iraq, Hussien would be tried and executed. No one would have wanted anything better.
When all has been said and done, the picturesque world after the end of the absolutely necessary war on war would no longer contain any wasteless war. War shall end war and that’s it. Plain. Simple. Effective. The ever-illusive, all-encompassing Big Brother and Ministry of Truth from George Orwell’s 1984 realized war was the answer, long before we did: “War is Peace. Freedom is Slavery. Ignorance is Strength.” Big Brother, most certainly, knew a thing or two.