By Kalie Hand and Lia O’Sullivan
As two certified pastaphiles, we vowed to at some point join together and devour as much pasta as we could for the sake of journalism. Thankfully, on one sunny Sunday morning we did just that. Spread across Lia’s kitchen countertop sat 8 bags of pasta, each one containing a different shape. As we cluttered the stove with pots, boiled way too much water, and roughly estimated cook times, we discussed random topics ranging from Marvel to Formula 1 to the school play. Finally, once all the pasta was neatly laid out, we topped every individual bowl with salted butter, shredded cheddar cheese, and a concerning amount of salt on every sample in order to give each one an equal starting point and add a little flavor. Then, we tasted every one and rated it out of 10.
Lia’s Rating: 7/10
Kalie’s Rating: 7/10
The first pasta we tried was the under-the-sea-shaped pasta from Trader Joe’s. We found the various shapes to be very fun; however, the shapes did not make for the best texture. The pasta’s texture felt overwhelming and made it hard to figure out what was happening in our mouths. On the other hand, because of the various holes, it very effectively stored the toppings.
Lia’s Rating: 9/10
Kalie’s Rating: 8/10
Next, we tried the Italian Macaroni from Trader Joe’s. It had a really nice texture and a pleasant taste. However, its tiny shape made it much more difficult to pick up, and it slipped off the fork very easily. Though its small size does mean that we can eat more of it.
Lia’s Rating: 6/10
Kalie’s Rating: 7/10
Afterward, we tasted the seasonally appropriate Organic Fall Leaf pasta from Trader Joe’s. It had a very nice texture and was somewhat dense compared to the other ones. Its density provides a filling meal without having to make that much of it. However, this pasta shape had a similar issue to the Under the Sea pasta, with its texture being overwhelming at times. Additionally, these leaves were much larger than any of the other pastas we tried, further taking away from the ease of eating.
Lia’s Rating: 9/10
Kalie’s Rating: 10/10
Then we tried Trader Joe’s multicolored pasta, which was so so so good. The colors and shape of the pasta were fun. The pasta felt light and not overly filling but still held the flavor exceptionally well. The texture was nice and soft, and was not overwhelming at all.
Lia’s Rating: 9.8/10
Kalie’s Rating: 9/10
Next, we tasted Casarecce from Garofalo, which we lovingly referred to as “the Long Ones.” This shape was very nice. It had a pleasant flavor and held the sauce’s flavor really well. However, we slightly undercooked it, resulting in the pasta being tougher than intended.
Lia’s Rating: 1/10
Kalie’s Rating: 1/10
After that, we tried the Protein Cavatappi from Banza. This pasta was unlike any other one we tried—and for bad reasons. It had a horrible flavor and aftertaste and did not hold onto the sauce’s flavor at all. Its texture was horrendous, and the pasta felt unusually dry. This shape tasted exactly how one would expect a protein pasta to taste.
Lia’s Rating: -5/10
Kalie’s Rating: -1/10
After the horror of the previous pasta, we thought it couldn’t possibly get worse with the Banza Protein Penne, but somehow it did. Before the pasta even entered our mouths, a putrid aroma filled the room. Once consumed, it had a horrible taste, brittle texture, and an abominable aftertaste. The pasta’s taste got worse the longer it remained in our mouths, and left a strange fuzzy coating all over our teeth and tongues. This pasta was so bad that Lia was forced to chug Dr. Pepper in order to get the taste out of her mouth.
Lia’s Rating: 9/10
Kalie’s Rating: 8/10
Lastly, to cleanse our palates from the dreadfully disgusting disgrace of the Banza protein pastas, we finished off our pasta pilgrimage with Garofalo Spaghetti. This spaghetti was as simple as you could get. The taste of buttered spaghetti brought a familiar sense of comfort to our stomachs. However, the pasta tasted a little dry and tough, which may have just been a result of it sitting out for approximately 20 minutes.
Overall, most of the pastas were delicious and left us with our stomachs full and hearts happy. Next time, we will have to add more pastas to our repertoire, and certainly not try anymore Banza Chickpea Protein Pasta.