By Mia Hanuska
*This article discusses mature topics including rape, sexual assault, sexual abuse, and suicide. If you or someone you know has experienced and struggles with these issues, please call the sexual abuse hotline at 800-656-4673. More resources are available here.*
The one thing they don’t warn you about before going into high school is what seems to be some boys’ favorite topic to joke about: rape. When I became a freshman, I truly did not expect how many of my own peers I would have to tell to stop joking about rape. After all, you’d think, by high school, people would understand the severity of the topic, and realize the harmful effects joking about it has. Alas, apparently not.
For those no longer in high school, or simply unaware of the issue, joking about rape has, from what I’ve seen and experienced, unfortunately become fairly normal across generally male-centric circles, especially among teenagers. The comments are not normally said by men to women, and instead are focused within friend groups, with boys saying things like “if he doesn’t show up today, imma rape him” or “get it wrong again and I’ll rape you” to their peers. It’s typically an offhand threat, something that carries little weight because the receiver tends to have the mutual understanding with the intimidator that they won’t actually rape them. In other words, to those making the comments, it means absolutely nothing.
As often one of the only women in environments dominated by men, I hear these comments made far too often. And, when I correct it by interjecting, “oh, we don’t say that here,” or “ew, that’s not something to joke about,” boys will realize it’s wrong—but only because it’s being made in the presence of a woman. Not because joking about rape is wrong, but because joking about rape in front of a woman is wrong. Note: for the purpose of this article, the term “rape joke” also includes jokes about sexual assault and abuse.
Rape is, in of itself, a very serious topic, and that doesn’t seem to be a contested opinion. Causing prolonged anxiety, depression, suicidal thoughts, and fatigue, rape isn’t something victims can just “move on” from. It’s something that haunts survivors, with few being comfortable enough to seek psychotherapy until years after being attacked, and for those with rape-related PTSD, rebounds of rape-related thoughts even after attempts to suppress them. Childhood rape is even worse, increasing survivors’ vulnerability to sexual and physical victimization and contributing greater to higher PTSD symptoms. It’s not like rape is uncommon either, with 1 in 5 women in the United States having experienced “completed or attempted rape during their lifetime,” and 24.8% of men experiencing some sort of sexual violence during theirs. Of those who survived a completed or attempted rape during their lifetime, 1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men experienced it for the first time between the ages of 11 and 17. Clearly, rape jokes are making light of a very impactful and despicable act, without truly comprehending the significance of the issue they joke about.
Not only are jokes about rape subjectively not funny, but they create a normalization of the threat and the act while simultaneously avoiding responsibility. A majority of the jokes tend to sexually objectify women, devalue their abilities, and even go as far as promote violence against women. It was mentioned earlier that this seems to be an issue among male teenagers, which is supported by research finding men are more likely to accept and enjoy anti-female sexist humor than women, and that it seems to stem from the issue of equal rights making men uncomfortable, and pushing that fear onto women as threats. However, many of the jokes made by these teenage boys aren’t purposefully targeting women—regardless of their target, it’s still an issue. Rape jokes unintentionally (or intentionally) normalize sexual assaults by likening them to something with minimal effects and should be laughed about instead of treated seriously. This can lead to real victims feeling discouraged from reporting or seeking help because “it’s just a joke.”
But today, rape, especially between teenagers, is not a joke. The largest perpetrator of sexual assaults (47%) on 12–17 year olds in 2022 were other 12–17 year old acquaintances. Similarly-aged peers are far more likely to assault each other than those of any other age group. A fairly recent phenomenon where teenagers will rape their (often unconscious) peers, record it, then post the videos, images, or voice recordings to social media—for the purpose of bullying, not reporting—has become less uncommon, harming already vulnerable victims even more. Undoubtedly, making jokes about rape while so many teenagers already experience the violence themselves proves insensitive and creates uncomfortable situations for those around the jokers.
Of course, there exist certain cases in which rape jokes may be considered acceptable, specifically from those who have experienced the violence themselves and use humor as a coping strategy or way to start the conversation about sexual assault awareness. However, in most cases, those joking about rape are not joking about it to spread awareness nor comment on the vileness of the atrocity. Instead, they often humiliate and/or silence victims voices through their jokes, reinforcing victim-blaming and dissuading survivors from finding empowerment in sharing their own experiences.
Obviously, I am not trying to say that the teenage boys I’ve heard making rape jokes to their friends are purposefully attempting to normalize the act nor dehumanize victims. However, in making the jokes, they are inadvertently contributing to these harmful effects. Ultimately, I’m just tired of hearing rape jokes. I urge everyone, regardless of gender, to, if you hear rape jokes or jokes at the expense of sexual abuse or assault survivors, correct the speaker’s behavior immediately. Rape jokes are not funny, period, no matter how they may try to be spun.