By Jolie Briseno
Welcome to The Shield’s annual satire section. Writers use satire to improve a problem in society. Sometimes readers misunderstand the satire as they do not recognize the hyperbole, irony, rhetorical questions, sarcasm, and understatements. A great satirist will also address counter-arguments (the non-satirical solution) with great mockery and sarcasm. Readers may mistake the satirical solution for the actual solution that the writer proposes. The ideas in these satire stories do not necessarily represent the opinions of The Shield or Westmont. If one is confused about satire, please contact a friendly neighborhood English teacher.
Dear alarmed and strong parents,
As a worried parent myself I see the problem in our children’s education and that’s teachers. Years go by and teachers demand support; for what reason? Not only do teachers have the simplest job in the world but also they get to spend a day with my sweet angel Richard. A teacher’s pay directly reflects the amount of work they do; barely anything! Having teachers with a larger class roster and a decrease in funds will hopefully deter them from encouraging a broader mindset and over-motivating our children.
Willingly, teachers encourage our children to rebel against their parents. Sadly, educators have forgotten their role in the workforce and overstep their boundaries and responsibilities. We employ teachers to educate our children on science, mathematics, history, language, and english; but instead, they educate our children on tom-foolery. Teachers these days empower our children to speak out their own opinions, and to be individuals. Just the other day one of Richard’s friends said they wanted to be a chef (what kind of job is that?). Where do children get the nerve to spew nonsense: teachers, that’s who. Teachers conjure a fake world for our children, breaking down the city we built our children on. Having teachers on a lower pay wage will incentivize them to think before they speak.
Moreover, teachers encourage and praise our children too much. When was the last time you saw a group of teenagers on the verge of tears in the library because they didn’t understand an assignment and wanted to scream out of frustration –in a while! I remember when I was in high school and my teacher Mrs. Desdemona created the ideal environment for learning. I went home every day wanting to gouge my eyes out after spending hours on my math homework. I hope our children experience the same hardships so they can grow to be perfect adults, just like me. If teachers continue encouraging our children then they’ll come home one day ready to take on the world. Thus, larger class sizes will hinder encouragement, as they cannot encourage and praise 50 or 100 children.
Today is the day we make a change, a stance, a statement against our school district and show that teachers un-educate our children. Teachers offer what? A learning experience, a caring environment, and motivation– most of that is not even in their job description. Parents excel at providing a calm, tender, and loving environment for our children; teachers need to stay in their lane and just do their job of teaching, it’s not that hard.
Teachers may attempt to raise the future of our country, but we the parents created the foundation for our children and will continue to build them up as teachers tear them down. Be loud and proud parents and say “Teachers: the ones who act like they care, but their feedback’s a nightmare and feels less than fair!”
With Love And Care,
Karen Cecilia Persephone