By Gio Arteaga
In either room 19B, 24, or 58 resides the class known as English One Honors. It’s scary at first (and it isn’t easy), but fear not, brave souls, for I come bearing a map dotted with humor, sprinkled with sarcasm, and seasoned with survival tips to navigate this treacherous curriculum.
1. Master the art of making things up:
Picture this: you’re in the middle of an in-class essay and draw a complete blank. What do you do? Panic? No! You summon the ancient art of making things up. Throw in some fancy words, sprinkle in a few quotes, and voilà! You’ve got yourself an essay worthy of Shakespeare himself. Remember, it’s not about making sense; it’s about sounding like you know what you’re talking about. For instance, when we were on To Kill a Mockingbird, I understood some parts (for sure not all of it), but the real key is to make yourself seem like you know what’s happening. Understand what your teacher says, listen to the character’s story, and cross your fingers.
Something else that freshman honors have to face is their time management. Sometimes, reading the entire 19th-century novel assigned for homework is as appealing as watching paint dry. That’s where SparkNotes swoops in to save the day! It’s like CliffNotes but with a hipper name. Just make sure your teacher doesn’t catch you—unless you’re ready to give an impromptu analysis of the symbolism of the color yellow in Chapter 6.
2. Channel Your Inner Thesaurus:
When writing an essay, sometimes the words completely slip your mind and turn it to mush. For instance, when my class was writing an essay for Fahrenheit 451, I got stuck because I truly didn’t know what to write or how to write it. However, the thesaurus is your best friend. Just be sure to use it sparingly unless you want your essay to read like a thesaurus threw up on it. Something else you should also do is befriend your teacher. Remember, your English teacher is not just a soulless dispenser of grades; they’re human beings (allegedly). So, butter them up with compliments, laugh at their jokes (even the bad ones), and maybe—just maybe—they’ll show mercy when grading your essays!
3. Learn the Art of Procrastination:
Procrastination is not just a hobby; it’s a way of life. Why write your essay weeks in advance when you can channel the adrenaline rush of impending deadlines? Just be prepared to pull an all-nighter fueled by caffeine and regret. Adding onto caffeine, English One Honors requires copious amounts of it to fuel those late-night study sessions and early-morning classes. Invest in a solid coffee maker or befriend your local barista—it’s a small price to pay for academic survival.
In the grand scheme, surviving English One Honors is just one small chapter in the epic saga of your high school journey. So, arm yourself with humor, a healthy dose of sarcasm, and maybe a dash of literary genius—and remember, this too shall pass.