Welcome to Foodie 101, the class I would teach if anyone would allow me to teach. To start, all pupils should swing by the pharmacy and pick up some Pepto Bismol, something that should have a permanent place in any foodies glove box. Now, let’s get down to business.
The first, and most important thing about being a foodie, is learning to recognize the signs of a restaurant. A good rule of thumb is a dirty bathroom and even worse, a dirty dining room, usually correlated to a dirty kitchen, because remember, they let you see those places, and they don’t let you see the kitchen, so imagine how much effort they put into having a clean kitchen. However, do not mistake dirty for simply old. Sometimes old restaurants are a little beat up, but as long as there is a general air of cleanliness, you’ll be fine. And finally, if you’re worried about your safety while at a restaurant, chances are the best food you’ve ever had is right around the corner. A more in-depth guide to all the ins and outs of kitchens and restaurants in general is Kitchen Confidential by the late Anthony Bourdain; a must-read for any foodie.
Next, the cornerstone: food. Food is the paint, the clay, the song of which chefs demonstrate their art. And just like Monet and Warhol, chefs too have their haters: picky eaters. If you are a picky eater, good-bye. Don’t let the door hit you on the way out. Just kidding. However, in all seriousness, as a former picky eater, find what you dislike, and slowly acclimate yourself to it, starting with a version you like, whether it be cooked a different way or smothered in sauce, and gradually get used to the flavor and texture. It worked for me, and now I enjoy blue cheese, balsamic, and mushrooms. Just keep olives away from me. Anyway, the best way to learn the ins and outs of food is through trial and error. Start cheap, and grow from there. Trader Joe’s, ethnic markets, and restaurant centers are the best places to start, the best places to try truffle, pates, and other foreign, expensive delicacies. Once you’ve found what you like, build from there. Start looking for places that carry that specialty item. And to wrap up this section with one final piece of advice, never let a price tag tell you what to do. Just because something is more expensive, doesn’t mean it’s better. Some of the best foods I’ve tasted I’ve found in Mexican markets, or Costco business centers, not high-end grocery stores and specialty stores.
Finally, have fun with it. Food has always been a love language, a way for families to connect after a long day of work, a way for groups to come together. Bring a friend with you to try a new poke spot. Invite your grandma to get sandwiches with you. Food is a language, an art, that connects billions of people around the world, across borders and religions, no matter what language you speak, who you love, or the color of your skin. Keep that in mind next time you crave a taco.