Thinking back to your elementary school days, do you recall moments with your teachers where you felt a motherly or fatherly connection? Maybe you felt this way as a result of kind things they said to you, or small gestures like high fives or hugs they gave, or perhaps they just served as a role model that you spent more time around than you ever did with your parents. Nevertheless, if your teachers now, in high school, treated you the same way, how would you feel? Somewhat concerned, or maybe creeped out? Rightfully so, each school and or district has its own rules and regulations for teachers to follow in order to fit their idea of appropriate boundaries, relationships, and professionalism. However, many students have experienced a time when they felt their teachers in high school have crossed boundaries, maybe not listed in any regulation. For example, favoritism of students and discussion of personal lives or student gossip. Although in the world of education, the bonds between teachers and students hold a lot of significance. With debate around the appropriateness of such relationships, it is important to remember that education is fostered by connection and connection is best fostered with vulnerability.
Not only is it acceptable for students to cultivate a strong sense of comfort with their teachers, but it’s also crucial for them to have a positive connection with their educators without it being misconstrued as inappropriate and creepy. After speaking to a family friend of mine and teacher at Castlemont Elementary school, I began to gain a deeper understanding of the importance of the teacher and student relationship. She says that creating a cohesive, comfortable classroom environment where learning can really thrive, “can’t happen without love from the teacher to some degree”. More so in elementary school than in middle and high school, it is important for teachers to make personal connections with their students, fostering their positive relationship with school from a young age. There are of course certain guidelines such as the outlaw of inappropriate physical contact with students, that make total sense, many of the other guidelines on district board policy manuals prove a bit harsh. It is clearly possible for a teacher to maintain a professional and appropriate friendship with a student as long as it does not involve any kind of favoritism or sexual behavior.
To start, a teacher by invitation should be allowed to attend their students birthday party or support them at a recreational sports game unaffiliated with the school. Certain students need this kind of support and validation in their lives at a young age, especially if they don’t receive as much love or attention from their families as others. In elementary school as students are still developing a sense of personal space, they will often come up and hug their teachers. In a non-creepy or pedophilic way, these hugs are important; studies in psychology indicate that more physical touch throughout childhood correlates with greater cognitive development. With concerns of grooming and bad intentions, a simple hug, or showing great care and attention to a child’s personal life, is so frowned upon by parents and society as a whole. It is understandable but also sad. Of course, teachers should never force or encourage students to give hugs when they don’t want to but if a student initiates it and the teacher gives consent, that may be a student’s only hug they receive that week, month, or even year. Throughout a child’s first few years in school they operate on a “monkey see monkey do” mindset. Teachers have such a significant impact on their students’ positive upbringings, influencing not only their education, but also their social-emotional development, and sense of belonging. If rules and regulations are prohibiting teachers from creating meaningful connections then how will students ever learn to make them too? The last two points on the policy list 4119.24 used by Campbell Union School district states that children should never be encouraged to speak about their personal or family-related problems and teachers are prohibited from sharing anything as well. This rule makes sense at first but again, it limits connection. Today’s generations have been normalizing mental health struggles and talking about their feelings more than any other generation has. It is important to continue to teach habits of being comfortable with talking about feelings at a young age if our society is going to continue advocating for mental health. If a teacher feels comfortable talking about their feelings and issues they should do so in an appropriate manner and allow students to speak about their feelings as well.
In reflecting on the impact of the teacher-student relationship, it’s clear that the bonds formed in elementary school create the foundation for how students perceive school and adults throughout the rest of their lives. While the boundaries should grow with children’s age and progressively become more clear, creating connections is just as important as the material being taught in class. Despite all of the rules and regulations, educators should be able to embrace classroom connection remembering that education is not just about giving out knowledge but inspiring growth and resilience in their kids.