Throughout the 161 years that cereal and milk have reigned over morning meals, breakfast-loving individuals and debate connoisseurs alike have pondered the order in which the two ingredients should arrive in the bowl.
“The cereal will get soggy!” milk-firsters criticize.
“The portions will be off!” cereal-firsters bicker.
On and on the contention goes. But perhaps the time has come for the squabbling to cease. As a proud lactose intolerant, a lover of crispiness, and a hater of the breakfast soup that some call “normal,” I am here to speak my truth—cereal doesn’t need milk!
If you also belong to the dairy-fearing community, then you share my shock at those who drink milk regularly. How do their stomachs easily digest the villainous lactose which upsets mine? To my horror, several of my wonderful friends do the unthinkable: not only drink milk with cereal, but also, by itself.
“If you’re going to take away our milk, you might as well take away our guns,” senior Marina Halbert proudly declares. For context, Marina’s rush to get out the door does not prevent her from eating a milky breakfast. Sitting in Room 58 at 8:20 a.m., Marina happily pours a Ziploc bag of Frosted Mini-Wheats into a metal thermos of whole milk.
Meanwhile, Chance LaVoie ditches the cereal altogether. “I drink white milk every day from the cafeteria,” Chance confesses. And nothing can stop the LIFE Crew Commissioner’s milk carton desires: “One time, it was frozen,” he adds. Evidently, milk for Chance is not a choice, but a necessity—perhaps a concerning one.
You might be wondering, Faith, what about alternative milks? Oat, almond, rice, coconut—non-dairy milks fill the shelves of grocery stores. However, such monstrosities should not go in your bowl of cereal either. The chief issue in combining milk and cereal lies in the texture change of the latter. After soaking the cereal (manufactured to have the perfect crunch) with milk, one loses the satisfying crispiness that accompanies Cheerios, Frosted Flakes, and Life, to name a few. The once-enjoyable grainy snacks fall victim to the overpowering, stomach-upsetting, and downright immoral white liquid.
At all costs, cereal must remain dry. To put it simply, why ruin a good thing?