No spoilers here!
Sub-title: Can I change my last name to Elordi?
Saltburn was definitely the most twisted, emotionally-draining, and cringe-inducing film I watched in all of 2023 and 2024 (by the way). There were so many good parts but, unfortunately, there were also so, so many bad parts. It’s definitely not a casual film to watch with your family; in fact, I would only recommend watching this in a room of very close friends, who you can laugh with in the face of some of the most disturbing footage, and cry with when very hot actors start dying.
A classic gothic-horror movie, Saltburn made me want to go live in a haunted castle. The cinematography, acting, and plot were absolutely first-rate, and I have no regrets about the 131 minutes I spent watching it. If you enjoy heists, disturbed thrillers, or murder mysteries, you will absolutely love Saltburn, just like me. Plus, Barry Koegan and Jacob Elordi (especially my dear, dear Jacob) do an incredible job portraying their characters and really make the movie an immersive experience. Every actor will successfully manipulate your emotions and confuse your senses until you won’t know who to trust and, possibly, you won’t even understand where the plot is going. However, don’t worry. Everything is explained at the end in a very comprehensive summary, capped off with a very interesting video of Barry Koegan dancing. Trust me, you won’t be confused by the time you’re done. Disgusted, perhaps, but not confused.
Now, you may wonder why I said there were so many bad parts. Well…this movie is very, very dark. If you’re in a bad place or don’t deal with emotional manipulation well, I would definitely skip Saltburn and opt for something more family friendly. Also, skip if you don’t want to see Barry Koegan partake in some very particular proclivities which are definitely not for the faint of heart. This movie is rated R for a reason, people.
I really hope you go watch Saltburn after reading this, if only so I have more people to simp over Jacob Elordi with. If not, that’s okay, you can always look up edits of him online. And I want to say, one last time, in case you didn’t take it to heart the first time: do not watch this with your family (and do not watch this alone unless you want to feel very, very weird about yourself). Keep reading if you want to spoil the movie!
Spoilers here!
My full name is now: Marina I’m in love with Elordi! Lord of the Flies? I Love Lordi!
As a huge fan of heist movies, I appreciate a good evil plan more than most. Honestly, the plot—like the literal, Oliver-murders-everyone-so-he-can-dance-in-their-house-naked plot—is super amazing. The script was convincing, Oliver’s plan was genius, and the tie-together at the end was cohesive and satisfying (except for the part where they reveal he was typing nonsense on his computer in the cafe because there was no reason to do the guy so dirty). As the movie goes on, if you’re not blinded by Oliver’s pity act, it’s exciting to watch his hard work slowly come to fruition. Luckily, the rest of the film is almost as good as the plot, from the cinematography to the acting. The only detractor from this masterpiece is the unnecessarily close-up shots of Barry Koegan doing…interesting things.
I was completely stunned by the beauty of some shots, particularly the hedge maze and party scenes, where the camera not only conveyed the natural charm of the sets and actors, but also the character’s moods, fears, and motivations. Furthermore, the cinematography was a massive contributor to the mystery of the film and was filled with foreshadowing and hints that I didn’t notice until we had nearly finished. Oliver throwing his dad’s “death stone” and missing, for example, or him studying the map of the hedge maze as he spends some free time in the house.
All in all, I was super impressed with the entire movie, and all the weird parts only made me enjoy it a little bit less. I would definitely watch it again and, if you haven’t already, you should too (just not with your family or by yourself!).
P.S. Lord of the Rings? My finger is now bearing Lordi’s engagement ring! Heaven!