By Emi Gruender
I know what you’re thinking– a “How-To” article about a “How-To” site, filled to the brim with quality tutorials? Truly Pulitzer worthy.
Wikihow has long been a source of ridicule on the internet, and during my scouring of Wikihow to find deranged articles, I’ve stumbled upon a couple entertaining pieces that I’d like to share. Unfortunately, since the Internet has completely beaten the silliest articles out of this blessed site, I’ve had a harder time finding quality content. Luckily, I found some gems which I cannot wait to dispense and ridicule.
But of course, being a “How-To’ article, I shall humbly provide clear, concise steps to follow to efficiently use Wikihow.
STEP ONE:
Open a browser (not Bing) on the World Wide Web and type in “wikihow.com.” It might be difficult, but I believe in you.
STEP TWO:
Consider carefully what you would like to learn how to do. Wikihow’s placid and well-illustrated graphics provide clear instruction for almost anything you’d like to learn– from establishing dominance over a capuchin monkey to efficiently dating a Taurus male.
STEP THREE:
Enjoy these expert-backed tutorials! The author of this article curses the quality control check that Wikihow implemented, but even still, the silliest articles can slip through the cracks. If you need a good laugh, WikiHow’s the place to go.
HELPFUL EXAMPLES:
Key:
- Title
- Silly excerpts
- Author’s note
- Silly excerpts
Here are some extremely informative articles along with some helpful excerpts– maybe some will catch your interest!
*Note: All excerpts and images are copy + pasted from the original source. Though it seems like it, I have not done anything to these excerpts but comment on them:]
- “How To Be Random”
- “ [Randomness] done poorly can be annoying as string cheese in a dust storm.”
- What!
- “ [Randomness] done poorly can be annoying as string cheese in a dust storm.”
- “Avoid “wandom” words. “Wandom” means “wannabe random,” and it can be extremely heartbreaking that someone would feel the need to invent this term.”
- “Wandom words include pickle, chicken, monkey, dino, penguin, purple, pie, squirrel, moo, pizza, mayonnaise, pudding, pants, rawr, socks, pony, llama, unicorn, taco (or burrito), cheese, and nose.”
- Oh, no! I never want people to think I’m a wannabe random. Expelling these words from my vernacular…
- “Make random noises. Things like “mwargh” or “oooooohh” or even “bwah” and “digee” will work divinely.”
- I’ll write that down.
Overall: ★ ★ ★ ★ ★
- Pretty deranged, I like it! The article uses a bunch of large words and scientific backing, which I find redundant, but overall a ⅘ on the silly scale.
- “How to Attract An Alpha Male”
- “Alpha males are defined primarily by their dominant characteristics. If he’s really an alpha, he’ll want to feel like he’s in control of the chase.”
- …
- “Alpha males are defined primarily by their dominant characteristics. If he’s really an alpha, he’ll want to feel like he’s in control of the chase.”
- “If you want to attract a top-tier mate, you need to know your worth”
- I just used this quote because I love the diction choice of “top-tier mate”
Overall:★ ★ ★ ★ ★
- The serious use of the word “alpha male” is the primary reason this article is here
- There’s well-thought out and common confidence tips in here, which is definitely not maniacal enough.
- “How to Be Weird”
- “ Try “Hello Granny! I haven’t seen you in years!” while grinning, of course…”
- Just open the link– this one needs context.
- “ Try “Hello Granny! I haven’t seen you in years!” while grinning, of course…”
- “For instance, say, “Oh my gosh! Are those Oreos? They’re so spicy! I never knew they sold them here!” or “These pickles taste like my brother’s wallpaper.”
- Brother’s wallpaper is an underrated snack
- “Have your own signature thing. You want a thing that’s quintessentially you. It should be quirky and something no one else you know does”
- I simply cannot take any sentence with the word “quirky” in it seriously anymore.
- “Talk to yourself and inanimate objects. Don’t do it all the time (otherwise you’ll just look schizophrenic) – just if someone around is ignoring you. That’ll get them to pay attention to you for sure!”
- I’m in love with having philosophical conversations with a brick wall (was that symbolism?)
Overall:★ ★ ★ ★ ★
- Very deranged! Unfortunately, it is unhinged in the way that I suspect the author knew what they were writing, which isn’t as funny as delusional content by someone taking their work seriously.
- I am very informed, and I feel confident in acting weird now. Thanks, WikiHow!
- “How To Date a Taurus Male”
- “Be careful when you talk about your own success. Taurus men like being the breadwinner in the family, so being overly independent may turn him off.”
- …yikes.
- “Taurus men love being in control, and they also like imparting their knowledge onto other people and being involved in decisions, even if it doesn’t concern them.”
- “Be careful when you talk about your own success. Taurus men like being the breadwinner in the family, so being overly independent may turn him off.”
- “Make him feel like he’s in control. If you’re independent and you aren’t used to someone else controlling the relationship, make sure that he feels like he’s in control. You can do this by reaffirming things that you agree with, so he feels like he is the one making the final decisions even if he’s not.”
- LMAO
Overall:★ ★ ★ ★ ★
- I love this picture because of the look in the guy’s eyes. Look at him! That’s the gaze of a silly guy, no doubt
- Pretty goofy, although not as much as I wished it was.
OTHER ENTERTAINING ARTICLES:
I hope this extremely informative article helped with your search for knowledge, and taught you how to do another thing. Happy scrolling!