By Eric Vallen
We as a society must make the world so boring for a 24 hour span that every U.S. citizen will vote. In the 2020 presidential election, American voters cast a record number of votes, with nearly 160 million in total. Certain niches of the American public were so shocked at this astronomical number that they began calling fraud upon the election. Many claimed there were only 133 million eligible voters in the United States, and used that “fact” as a basis for attempting to overthrow Biden’s administration. If it were 1950, sure, the election would be fraudulent. However, surprisingly, we live in the present. Shocking, I know. In order to spread this absolutely astonishing fact, I believe we should make presidential election days federal holidays, as an educational maneuver.
With such a holiday in place, the political system of America could possibly be saved. Given the fact that a vast majority of Americans are more likely to place their votes, almost any election would be absolutely not fraudulent. Nearly every single person would vote, and considering the amount of time it would take for the counting of votes, fraudulently submitting votes would be nigh on impossible. Groups of niche Americans wouldn’t be able to claim fraudulence, and would actually learn some integral facts about their country.
However, how would one mandate such voting patterns, you might ask? By making America not the land of the free for a day. All bars, clubs, restaurants, closed. Even mcdonalds. 24 hour fitness shall now be zero hour fitness. Sports shall not exist. Television? No. we only have 105.6 fm radio now. And its constant commercials.
With these highly unconstitutional measures, the American public will have naught else to do but vote in the election. True democracy is a totalitarian, 1984-esque regime. At least for a day. These drastic measures are expected to come into effect during the 2024 presidential race, between Eric Vallen and Tadayoshi Pirkl.