By Madeleine Stiffler
Oil spills, carbon emissions, sea levels rising— the world seems like it is ending, and it truthfully is impacting one group of people the most: the rich. The idea of climate change heavily impacting those in the middle and lower classes is a radical internet fad to try to smear the good name of politicians, stock brokers, cops, etc. Not only has the climate change craze driven activists and average joe’s into a frenzy, but this environmental debacle has transformed society into a cesspool in which individuals can no longer take a vacation to their favorite multi-million dollar cabin retreat as a result of wildfires. Undoubtedly, the absurd and equivocal illusion of climate change not impacting the rich is inaccurate and self-serving. The time has come for millionaires and billionaires to join forces in order to tackle the climate disaster before it starts killing them.
Unlike poor people, the rich have much more to lose when it comes to climate change. For instance, having to clear at least five acres of land for a moat to prevent wildfires from devastating a mansion in wine country is no easy endeavor. Not to mention the potential of having to get rid of one of eight gas-guzzling vehicles in order to single-handedly and humbly protect the ozone. Similarly, expecting rich CEO’s to ethically discard waste or other hazardous material is simply too much of an unfair expectation; if anything, consumers should immediately stop using single-use plastic straws and instead look to these corporations advertising reusable plastic straws which definitely won’t end up in a landfill like the aforementioned single-use utensil.
With sea levels on the rise, it is hard to tell what the future holds for coastal penthouse owners. Since the polar ice caps are melting at an alarming rate as a result of global warming, the question of whether or not rich people will have to sell their private islands in the Caribbean poses a huge threat as well. Sadly, time is of the essence and before the environment collapses, rich folks must ensure they become members of charter helicopter services in order to prevent flooding or other aquatic accidents from ruining not only their lives, but their designer assets too. On the bright side, rich individuals are also able to escape the horrors of flooding by utilizing their ski chalets in the Swiss Alps and Aspen (for example) which are at high enough elevations to protect them.
Maybe the time has come for the affluent members of society to cut down every tree within a three mile radius of their mega-mansion to fend off wildfires. To further prevent environmental calamity, barons evidently take measures into their own hands to do their part to protect earth— taking private jets, encouraging climate change conspiracy, taking advantage of child labor to mine precious gems— this unchecked privilige of big shots with copious amounts of money singlehandedly diverts attention away from the impending doom of the climate crisis. With big hearts and generosity coursing through their veins, rich people unquestionably have their best interests for the environment at heart.
So why do the rich get such a bad rep when it comes to the climate crisis? Truly, they do everything in their power to aid the environment with their endless amounts of money and resources. Their activism is unmatched and the slander toward them is uncalled for as they remain the most impacted demographic by climate change.