By Rebecca Mednik
Depop, a new and upcoming reseller website that both teenage boys and girls flock to for fashion trends, is our generation’s favorite way of burning a hole through our pockets. With obnoxiously strict seller regulations, Depop strives to turn online thrifting into an enjoyable and personalized experience. With a personal feed and the ability to follow sellers who fit your style, shoppers can find bargains on all types of clothing, accessories, and artwork. Or so you would be led to believe. Among the useless sellers who spend hours upon hours creating unique designs are the true artists of Depop who have mastered the art of scamming through overpriced clothing. Why spend your hard-earned money on a one-of-a-kind article of clothing when you can purchase that coveted sweater-vest from the little boys’ section at goodwill for those same fifty dollars?
To begin your career in the Depop business you will need to master the art of countless clickbait tags in your item’s description. Always be sure to include the phrases “rare y2K”, “super aesthetic”, and “limited edition Brandy Melville”, the accuracy of these statements is irrelevant. If you come across a buyer who knows a little too much about our tricks, pay no attention to their complaints and simply block them. You may face backlash from incompetent “haters” and some might proceed to harass your fair pricing. Bufoons! Press that block button faster than you buy out affordable clothing from thrift stores leaving low-income families in the rut.
Now, for those of you who are looking to start a Depop shop and fit into the following categories: intricate embroidery, incredible artwork, unique patchwork, or any other artistic quality of product. Good luck! You will never make it in this industry; you might as well just throw the hours of hard work into the garbage bin!
Would you like to know the secret to economic success on Depop? Of course, you do! Step one, locate your neighborhood thrift shop, or better yet, go to the lowest-income neighborhood you can find to make sure you directly target those who need affordable clothing the most. Step two, skip all of the appropriate clothing and head straight to the children’s clothing aisle. Remember, the smaller the better, if a shirt looks like it will cover more than fifty percent surface area of the torso you will not be able to tag the scrap of fabric as “y2k”. Sex sells! What better clothing to use for sexual appeal than that made for prepubescent children. Finally, always remember to be overly amiable when messaging with buyers. Be sure to include immense amounts of exclamatory sentences, “hey girly” messages, and heart emojis. Comfort the seller and they will NEVER question your pricing.
I wish you all economic success and a never lost Midas touch during your Depop selling or may I say scamming endeavors. A decent moral character is worthless compared to the funds you will earn; unless you actually have artistic ability of course.