A Treatise: On the Issue of Income

By Nathan Raplee

Recently, many filthy, disgusting, lowlife plebeians have been discussing the idea of increasing the minimum wage. This idea has been co-opted by the SOCIALIST left, who want to steal our freedom and liberty, all for some cheap votes. Personally, I think that these stupid idiots working in minimum wage jobs don’t deserve to make any more money. In fact, the minimum wage should be reduced, or possibly even removed completely. These fools should pull themselves up by their bootstraps.

The minimum wage was devised in 1938 by president Franklin D. Roosevelt, a mentally deranged COMMIE, to prevent corporations from producing more goods for cheaper. It is common knowledge that the great depression would have lasted not five years had the extremely BASED Republican, Herbert Hoover, won a second term. However, the communist Russians meddled with the election, just like in 2020, and gave the demoCRAPS power to destroy our glorious homeland. Roosevelt’s communist New Deal stopped smart people from pulling themselves up by their bootstraps and took nearly a decade to bring an end to the great economic depression in the 1930s. One of the New Deal’s disgusting policies was the creation of the minimum wage, forcing intelligent, self-made business owners to pay their braindead, stupid employees at least $0.25 an hour. This is absurd! $0.25 an hour is close to an acceptable cost today (the only real acceptable minimum wage is $0 per hour), but that’s equivalent to $4.64 today, way too much! 

If you work a low-skilled job, like construction or a cook at McDonald’s, do you really deserve to make a living wage? Why should a corporation give you enough money to provide for your well-being if you have no skill and no drive. These bottom-tier jobs should be reserved for the trash of society. Additionally, the ORWELLIAN government, forcing corporations to pay workers such large sums of money, forces the price of goods up, effectively creating even more inflation than we would naturally deal with, making each of our dollars even more worthless. 

Obviously, If we drop the minimum wage, the United States would indubitably become a utopia, where every person has enormous piles of cash, and products cost next to nothing. You could buy a burger for just fifteen cents! Dropping the minimum wage definitely wouldn’t cause an increase in class stratification, and would actually encourage some lowlife scum to pull themselves up by the bootstraps and try to break into the middle class. As for the vermin who don’t dedicate themselves to improving their own lives, they deserve to suffer. Some leftist socialist politicians have suggested setting local minimum wages based on the cost of living, and I find it despicable. If God wanted a minimum wage, He would have put it in the bible.