“Is it better to speak or to die?” is a quote that gained popularity when the movie Call Me by Your Name used it as an excerpt from The Heptameron (1558)–a collection of short stories by the French Renaissance writer Marguerite de Navarre. This famous quote sparked significant controversy because of the contrast in the question. Many things about this query caught my attention. I feel this question grasps a different type of emotional weight: silence and honesty as two different kinds of suffering. The quote suggests that speaking is better than remaining silent, since silence leads to regret.
In Born a Crime by Trevor Noah, Trevor was struggling with expressing his feelings about a crush he had developed; his mother advised him, “but regret is the thing we should fear most. Failure is an answer. Rejection is an answer. Regret is an eternal question you will never have the answer to” (Noah 143). Honesty is something that many fear. It can reveal different parts of us that we were not ready to reveal, or change our lives drastically. What countless don’t see is that honesty is a blessing in disguise. Personally, I’d rather have something real than spend years living inside a possibility in my head. With silence, many answers get left in the dark. Fake scenarios are planted into our minds, all the what-ifs up in the air, and a burden of perhaps not having the guts to express yourself to others could eat you up inside. The prospect of possessing the truth instead of a potential situation is something that many take advantage of, or don’t utilize at all.
As is true for many people, the mere thought of speaking out could very well mean death (metaphorically, of course). From crushes to conflicts, the idea of expressing yourself, positively or negatively, changes one’s dynamic as well as their ability to repeat it again. The urge to speak out might feel the same as the urge to reach out, which could be exhilarating as well as dreadful. Fear is a powerful thing, but what’s even more powerful is hope. The hope that we carry into these terrifying moments could very well be the thing that drives us into speaking our minds. Therefore, conveying feelings and emotions can be uncomfortable, apprehensive, or even distressing, but as long as you’re genuine, it can lead to great reward.
Overall, communicating rather than bottling up has a beneficial effect on someone. That is to say, to be loved without speaking and seen without dying is something many desire or cherish if they experience it. Yet, many still think a haunting thought: “Is it better to speak or to die?”