By Gio Arteaga
Sitting down to write about my own personal experiences is something that I’m not the best at: I don’t like to flaunt being gay, I (do my best) to avoid making it my personality, and I believe people need to understand who I am as a person before polarizing me through stereotypes and making assumptions without getting to know me. However, I believe that talking about personal experiences can hopefully help youth queer people become okay with who they are, to genuinely educate anyone reading on real issues LGBTQ youth (and adults) face, and how society needs to fix itself.
When people who are curious about my sexuality ask me, “how did you know you were gay?” it is always the same answer of “I genuinely don’t really know”—because in reality, I don’t. It’s always the same response of “okay, well there has to have been something,” when actually there wasn’t. People assume I watched TV shows and only looked at guys, or I had a fixation on “being different,” or even that I learned it from other people. But living in a world with an immense amount of political polarization—the ideological divide between both conservative and progressive beliefs—it’s hard to truly be myself around certain groups of people because of the sheer judgement, and in reality, it makes it harder to find out why I am the way I am.
Growing up in a predominantly female home, it was hard for me to grasp the concept of true masculinity, and to fully develop what society expected of me. I am a sensitive person: almost anyone in my life that knows me can tell you I do not limit myself in what I’m feeling, and with that, I allow myself to express my emotions. Something my mom always reassured me was that I had the right to feel emotions, sit with them, and to never bottle them, but society seems to have different ideas for how men should behave. Whenever I was around my grandfather or my tíos (uncles), who were very macho (aggressive, traditionally masculine men), anytime I showed any form of expression whether that be sadness or anger, it was always “men don’t cry” or “suck it up” because that’s what the norm has always been. And while my mom reminded me I had the right to feel my emotions, it always lingered in my mind what a ‘true man’ looked like, and the limitations that came with it.
Toxic masculinity has woven its way into every fabric and way of life like social media, behavior, and even into multi-media: specifically podcast hosts like Joe Rogan and Andrew Tate who show what a man is ‘supposed to look like.’ There are so many young men in the world who see these misogynistic “role models” to which they model their behavior after, and while it’s good to have some form of traditional values like forming good, respectful manners, lots of young individuals look to these people as a cookie cutter for what a man is supposed to look like. In psychology, there’s a term called “modeling” which refers to a form of observational learning through imitation of other people—this is the problem.
Even me, for a lot of my life I watched shows from Disney and Nickelodeon which really shaped my outlook on what a boy was supposed to look like at my age, and more importantly, how they were supposed to act. Characters like Luke from Jesse, or Austin from Austin and Ally really made me feel insecure as they were characters who liked girls, and I never did. Now don’t get me wrong, a lot of young boys (who are gay) have their first girlfriend, or a crush, which is something I’m not afraid to share; but a lot of relationships are modeled after media with the rising influence of TV and cartoons. As previously established, lots of young minds become influenced by what they see on the big screen. For instance, Austin getting into a relationship with Ally, or Maya (from girl meets world) falling for Lucas. These examples show how much influence these forms of media have because while many parents argue being gay is a learned behavior, it’s actually the opposite.
This form of modeling and lack of LGBTQ+ education is shown to so many people, especially “closeted” gay people that it becomes one of the reasons why so many closeted people feel something called internalized homophobia: an anger within themselves for not “being normal.” A perfect example of the lack in LGBTQ+ education are professional athletes. Take for instance Olympic skateboarder Alana Smith who shares her experience coming out saying, “especially growing up in a household [with] such a lack of emotional availability. We didn’t really have conversations about anything, so I had to figure things out on my own,” according to ESPN, where she dives deeper into her story by coming out.
As of May 2026, there have been 39 anti-trans bills passed, multiple attempts to overturn Obergefell v. Hodges (a landmark Supreme Court case that gave gay people the right to get married), and most notably the “Don’t Say Gay bill” in the state of Florida. Saying that LGBTQ youth and adults are scared is an understatement. Even now, people who I don’t know will occasionally make jokes over how I look, my voice, and things I can’t undo. It genuinely feels like parts of me that I can’t change are truly ‘not normal.’ It really sucks coming to terms with the fact that the world will never fully see me beyond my sexuality, but it’s in human nature to critique. Looking at someone based on their physical characteristics like their walk, how they talk, their choice of expression, or anything about them before understanding their morals and values is one of the only ways we as people form first impressions. While this does suck, at the end of the day it’s always going to be this way unless we, as a society, come together and realize that people are more than just their looks.
I can continue to talk about every single gay horror story that’s happened to me—because believe me there is a lot—but I want every reader to take one lesson away from reading this article: LGBTQ+ individuals are still people, and the sooner people realize that their behaviors are harmful, the sooner society can get to a better place. It doesn’t matter whether you are known to be gay, you don’t know, or you’re questioning, decent human respect is something everyone should get no matter what. Yes, people are entitled to their opinions about you, but in the grand scheme of things how someone thinks about you should never change how you see yourself.