The other day I was listening to the song “Paparazzi,” by legendary popstar Lady Gaga. I don’t know if it was something in the air or if I just put two and two together, but I came to the uncomfortable realization that Lady Gaga might not be her real name.
Think about it: Lady Gaga. What a ridiculous sounding name! I mean, it’s the perfect name for a glamorous pop idol such as herself, but in what reality does fate line up so perfectly? Gaga is a little more excusable. Despite sounding like the sounds an infant child makes, or the expression of gleeful fandom from a group of young teens, Gaga could simply come from an eastern european country. Perhaps it’s originally pronounced differently.
What is inexcusable, however, is the first name. Lady. Who in their right mind names their child lady?! When asked about this, Gaga simply replied that she was “Born This Way.” Yeah, sure. Any loving parent would refuse to name their child after the protagonist from the Disney film where the two dogs kiss while eating spaghetti. The only way they would have chosen the first name “Lady” to go with the last name “Gaga” is if they could time travel and learn that she would be a mega pop sensation. Quite unlikely, as time travel won’t be invented until 2032, I would know.
When I sat down with Gaga to discuss this confusion regarding time travel, she had quite the p-p-p-poker face. Our conversation felt pretty shallow🎵
Me: Tell me somethin’ girl, are you happy in this modern world? Or do you need more? Is there something else you’re searching for?
“Gaga”: I’m falling. In all the good times I find myself longing for change. In all the bad times, I fear myself.
Me: Interesting so you’d say you did use time travel to attempt to change your na-
“Gaga”: In the sha-ha shallow
Me: I didn’t fini-
“Gaga”: In the sha-ha-sha-ha a-la-low
She continued repeating that phrase for several minutes. I couldn’t get anything out of her. It’s like she’s just a machine, a “Fame Monster” designed to “Just Dance”. One day I’ll learn her true name, but until then, I refuse to call her Gaga.