Rating NFL Quarterbacks Based on Their Looks

By Madeline Tanaka

During English class this year, my teacher mentioned pretty privilege in our book and how people who are more stereotypically attractive get more benefits in our society. She then compared it to how quarterbacks in the NFL are usually the best-looking ones of the team to attract a fanbase for the organization. Even though I’ve only been following football for a little over two years, I think it’s safe to say that there are a lot of NFL quarterbacks who aren’t as…charming, to say the least. Thus, I’ve taken it upon myself to rate all 32 quarterbacks on their looks because I’m bored. PSA: my opinion is entirely subjective, so please do not take any of this to heart.

AFC East:

1. Drake Maye, New England Patriots (6/10)

He’s got this baby-face thing going on, which isn’t a bad thing, but it makes me feel like I’m looking at a child. Wow, he actually looks like he’s in seventh grade.

2. Josh Allen, Buffalo Bills (8.9/10)

I don’t think this photo does him very much justice, but I have to keep the photos unbiased. Honestly, he looks 10x better when he’s playing. His smile is nice, so that might be the main attraction here, but I really think Hailee Steinfeld is the better-looking one in the couple…

3. Tua Tagovailoa, Miami Dolphins (6/10)

I’m not entirely sure what it is, but it might be the headband and the fact that it makes him look like he’s sporting a gigantic forehead. But don’t tell him I said that.

4. Tyrod Taylor, New York Jets (4/10)

OK, this one is definitely the photo, but as I said, we have to use unbiased pictures. He’s giving off ant vibes, and it’s making him seem like he’s five feet tall when he’s 6 ‘1. Nothing against him, though; he just needs to bring back the braids.

AFC North:

1. Aaron Rodgers, Pittsburgh Steelers (2/10)

He’s 42 years old, and he looks like he’s pushing 60. Someone kick him out of the league before he has a stroke during a game.

2. Lamar Jackson, Baltimore Ravens (5/10)

Fire the ESPN photographer; they did Lamar Jackson so dirty. In general, he’s not particularly bad-looking, but if you search up Lamar Jackson on Google, you will, in fact, be met with some of the worst photos of him that don’t depict him well at all.

3. Joe Burrow, Cincinnati Bengals (9.5/10)

Fire the ESPN photographer; they made Joe Burrow look like a drunk frat bro who just happened to be good at football. I won’t lie, at first I didn’t get the hype around his looks, but my friend (who is obsessed with Joe Burrow) started sending me edits of him, and now I think I get the appeal.

4. Shedeur Sanders, Cleveland Browns (8/10)

You cannot tell me that this man doesn’t look like Andrew Wiggins, who was literally my favorite player when he played on the Golden State Warriors. Either way, he has a nice smile, and he looks so sweet. Like merp.

AFC South:

1. Trevor Lawrence, Jacksonville Jaguars (2/10)

See, this is who I immediately thought of when my English teacher said that thing about quarterbacks being the best-looking ones on the team. This time, it’s not even the ESPN photo; I really just think it’s the long hair. Also, my biggest pet peeve in sports is when people with long hair play with it down (i.e. George Kittle).

2. C.J. Stroud, Houston Texans (5/10)

Someone tell me who is styling these players’ hair because this is not it. It’s like the seventh case of having a bad hair day on media day. His hair looks better when he’s got a headband on, though. Overall, he’s not too bad looking.

3. Daniel Jones, Indianapolis Colts (4/10)

Fire the ESPN photographer; they made him look scared. Doesn’t really matter, though; he’s still not too good-looking.

4. Cam Ward, Tennessee Titans (3/10)

I think it’s the head shape, I won’t lie. The hairstyle looks good on him, but when you look at other photos, he doesn’t, like, get his whole head twisted. It ends maybe an inch away from his hairline, which also kind of makes his forehead look big.

AFC West:

1. Bo Nix, Denver Broncos (4/10)

I don’t understand how he looks 14 and 40 when he’s 25.

2. Justin Herbert, Los Angeles Chargers (8/10)

This is a shocker because I imagined him as someone who looks like they should’ve retired years ago. He’s also merp and looks really sweet.

3. Patrick Mahomes, Kansas City Chiefs (0/10)

I hate the Chiefs.

4. Geno Smith, Las Vegas Raiders (1/10)

He looks like that yellow larva from that TV show, Larva. I also can’t stand the Raiders.

NFC East:

1. Jalen Hurts, Philadelphia Eagles (9.5/10)

Oh. My. God. This man is so fine. I won’t lie, like, everyone on the Eagles is good-looking (i.e. Saquon Barkley).

2. Dak Prescott, Dallas Cowboys (3/10)

It’s the lack of hair for me.

3. Jayden Daniels, Washington Commanders (4/10)

He also isn’t bad looking; he just looks like he’s in seventh grade.

4. Jaxson Dart, New York Giants (6/10)

Put a headband on him, and he’s automatically a 9/10.

NFC North:

1. Jordan Love, Green Bay Packers (5/10)

Maybe it’s the hair on his face and head. Please shave.

2. Caleb Williams, Chicago Bears (5/10)

Fire the ESPN photographer; they made him look high. But chop his hair off,and he’s a 10/10 (i.e., Esquire USA Magazine April/May 2025 cover).

3. Jared Goff, Detroit Lions (2/10)

His facial features are awfully small. He also needs to retire.

4. J.J. McCarthy, Minnesota Vikings (9/10)

Fire the ESPN photographer; he looks 10x better in other photos. Just slap some eyeblack on his face and sweat in his hair, and you’ll see.

NFC South:

1. Bryce Young, Carolina Panthers (6/10)

He looked better in college. Fire the ESPN photographer, I swear, he doesn’t look this bad.

2. Baker Mayfield, Tampa Bay Buccaneers (4/10)

Please smile. He looks so much better with his hair wavy and a headband on. Also needs to retire.

3. Kirk Cousins, Atlanta Falcons (2/10)

I know you can see why.

4. Tyler Shough, New Orleans Saints (3/10)

The hair wisping to the side is actually killing me. He’s got nice eyebrows, though.

NFC West:

1. Matthew Stafford, Los Angeles Rams (3/10)

“He’s got nice teeth,” –Haley Kim. In my opinion, he needs to shave and retire. He’s too good.

2. Sam Darnold, Seattle Seahawks (3/10)

Unfortunately, nothing is saving this man.

3. Brock Purdy, San Francisco 49ers (8.5/10)

He’s like a little merp.

4. Jacoby Brissett, Arizona Cardinals (5/10)

The chest hair…