*Disclaimer: this article does not intend to slander any mentioned persons, but simply give lighthearted judgements to outfits (so don’t sue me please 🙏)*
*These are in no particular order*
Due to the fact that our government is still going through some sort of mental breakdown—and dare I say needs an intervention—I have decided to rate the outfits of various political figures to make myself feel better about the current clown-show which is the USA.
Melania Trump 9/10
It’s a bird, it’s a plane, no it’s Melania Trump ominously shadowing Donald Trump. Wow! No, really that’s all I can say. I mean I love the color scheme—purple & navy is an underrated duo. Also, I can tell she doesn’t want to be there. I mean, the wide-brimmed hat—perfect to keep Donald’s mouth away from her flawless face—is simply ingenious. In fact, it’s a technique she has employed before, during Trump’s inauguration earlier this year. I marked her down one point because of the lack of jewelry, but overall, it’s a cute, ingenious outfit!
Donald Trump Are-You-Okay?/10
Donnie, good sir, what has happened to you? I mean, you used to have a bit of an orange tint, but now you’re brighter than your neon red tie! If I didn’t know that the Health Department was in the good hands of the trusty Robert F. Kennedy Jr., passionate anti-vaxer and disbeliever of measles, I would say you might be coming down with something—maybe jaundice? I will say, the outfit is an improvement over the last time—in that Donnie is wearing an actual tie this time (no clip-ons to be found here!) and the darkness of the navy actually somewhat goes with the bright red of the tie. But, I wish the tie was a bit less bright, mostly because the neon red tie clashes sharply with the neon orange face (and the looks of his face are certainly not doing him any favors). Overall, I’m not going to actually rate this outfit out of concern over the increasingly brightening face of our illustrious orange.
(The previous fit)
Elon Musk 2/10
Why just why would anyone EVER wear a graphic T-shirt under a suit. I feel like we have had this conversation before, Mr. Musk, but evidently you didn’t listen the first time. So I’ll repeat it for you: “a suit is worn with a simple undershirt—typically white, but other colors as well depending on the suit.” -Someone With Superior Opinions 2024
Now, for next time, make sure that you do not wear a graphic T-shirt under your suit. Besides that, I do enjoy how the outfit has two consistent themes: MAGA & black. But that’s, quite honestly, the only redeeming factor of this outfit. Based on the design of the Cybertruck (which resembles Elon to a shocking extent—both in shape and hideousness), I can tell that Elon has little to no talent with design, which is why I’m not shocked about the mediocrity of this outfit. However, I am disappointed. Why? Because the outfit he wore last time I rated his fit, is almost the exact same (just with a different graphic T-shirt, and hopefully different socks as well). Therefore, I’m giving this outfit a 2/10 based on its mediocrity and unoriginality.
John Kennedy 7/10
Ooh la la, I absolutely adore the fierceness of this outfit. I mean, the sharp, glistening teeth, the blood-red, slimy skin…I’m looking at the wrong person aren’t I? In my defense, they do share a striking resemblance—though one is distinctly better looking than the other (hint: it’s the fiercer one). Anyways, John Kennedy’s outfit is quite basic, but I can appreciate some nice traditionality. Also, I do like the color scheme; the black and white work well together. I’m marking down three points due to how lackluster John Kennedy’s outfit seems next to his fiercer twin, but other than that (and the lack of originality of the outfit—I’ve seen fits like that at least 100 times) I have no complaints. Struggling to distinguish between the two has made me a bit concerned about my mental capabilities though, so maybe I’ll try reading How to Test Negative for Stupid: And Why Washington Never Will by (you guessed it!) John Kennedy. The book seems…unique to say the least, and from the quotes I’ve seen, such as: “I say this gently: This is why the aliens won’t talk to us,” the book seems super interesting and helpful! Overall, I’m gonna give Johnny a 7/10 on his outfit and a 10/10 on his book!
Robert F. Kennedy Jr. 5.67/10
Once again, as sad as I am to say it, Robert F. Kennedy Jr.’s brain worm has cooked up an actually good-ish outfit. Unfortunately, the worm has also cooked his brain; hopefully this means the worm will fully take over soon, but who knows. Now, onto the outfit: I like the color scheme, the grey, sky blue, and navy working well together. I also like the tie, and how it gives a little pop to the rest of the outfit and makes it a bit more whimsical. I will say, like Donnie, I am confused as to why Robert wears blue, when the party he represents is notoriously known for red, and the opposing party is known for blue. Who knows? Maybe he (and Donnie) are going through some type of identity crisis? Maybe the worm identifies as a democrat and is attempting to escape? I really don’t know. My last complaint is the concerningly orange skin tone. Perhaps, like Donnie, Robert is also suffering from some illness (jaundice perhaps)? Overall, I give the outfit a 5.6/10 because the orange is just too bright and clashes with the rest of his outfit.