“Where are we going?” I prompt Andy Evans as he leads my freshman English honors class out of the room. A leisurely stroll down the brick hallway and a few turns later we arrive at the top of the concrete ramp leading down to the bowl. Still not having a clue as to what we are doing out here, someone asks, “What are you looking at Mr. Evans?” He refocuses his gaze to the group of freshmen staring back at him with eager eyes, and says, “in four short years you will find yourself back in this exact spot, wearing a cap and gown, ready to graduate with wisdom and memories to last you a lifetime.” I can’t wait, I thought to myself.
And now, 4 years later, that time has gone by in the blink of an eye. Mr. Evans led us to the top of the ramp once again, but this time with my senior year AP literature class. Unlike 4 years ago, I knew where he was walking us to. Closer and closer, I dreaded each step. We stood atop the ramp again, given one final reminder that our time in high school is dwindling and to make the most of it. I feel sick to my stomach now knowing that on June 5th, Westmont will become a memory.
For all of high school, I couldn’t wait to grow up. As a freshman, I wished to be as confident and pretty as the senior girls, no longer the “baby” of the school. Just one more year and I’ll have my license, my sophomore self thought, longing for freedom. But by the time that rolled around, a burnt out junior year Madeline, kept thinking about how this time next year she would have her college plans figured out and life would be great. And of course now that it‘s almost over, my longing for the time ahead has become fear. Living for the future ultimately prevented my ability to enjoy the present.
If I could go back and relive my first homecoming, I’d tell myself it’s all going to work out fine. Don’t stress about knowing all the moves to the lip sync, impressing the upperclassmen, having the most perfect dress, or memorizing every powerpuff play. There’s always next year! The bar for freshmen is set pretty low anyways! I’d tell myself to further embrace the struggle of Mrs. Tighes Macbeth unit. Remember that someday you will look back and laugh at your toughest moments. I also wish I wouldn’t have wasted my time hanging around people that didn’t push me to be the best version of myself. Surround yourself with people who are not secretly praying on your downfall. I wish I would have told my coach Jefe how much he meant to me before it was too late. Never hesitate to tell your loved ones how important they are. Most importantly, remember that the only way through high school is through it. Don’t go cheating your way through classes and make the most of “your only free education” as Mr. Buran has always emphasized.
Looking back, I wish I could reverse time. Why did I ever want to grow up? Just to feel the uncertainty of life after high school? For the heartbreak of having to say goodbye to your childhood home, family, and friends? For the terror that you will never play a sport again after your senior night? Or worst of all, facing the realization that you will never be as carefree as you were, now forced into adulthood?
In the end I’ve learned, growing up is not a choice. No matter how childish you continue to act, you will inevitably find yourself trapped in the chokehold of adolescence. So, savor every moment and enjoy it while it lasts!