Yes, I am sure. I have been sure of myself since I was in seventh grade. Yet, for some reason I always seem to be defending my sexuality.
Not overtly, per say; very few people have ever told me directly that I am lying or confused (though it has happened), but subtle comments and jabs verify the unacceptance and disregard of a bisexual identity.
I recognize that, outside of the LGBTQ+ community, homophobia in general applies to anyone with a queer identity. However, commonly seen on TikTok and other social media sites is the belief that bisexual people are simply attention-seekers or fetishizers. Especially for bi women, there is a common misconception that we are promiscuous, confused, or just simply lying. This manifests in large scale fetishization of bi women, perpetuating the isolation and objectification faced.
However, the unacceptance is not just received from straight people; it is extremely common within the LGBTQ+ community as well. Because bisexual people are still able and willing to partake in hetero relationships, we are often seen as “not gay enough” to be an active member of the community. There is also an air of distrust stemming from insecurity that leads to a stereotype that bi women are more likely to cheat or be unfaithful, since we are attracted to multiple genders. Most prominently, I think, is the premise that being bisexual isn’t real or not as common, and that people who identify as bi are just searching to be a part of the community and dont feel for women as strong or as real. That’s where the “proof” comes into play; the idea that a bi woman can’t be sure of her sexuality until she has been in a wlw relationship (or several).
In my own life, I have had men think they are hitting on me or accepting my sexuality by subtle fetishization. Telling me that he wouldn’t mind if I cheated with a girl, and even offering to invite her to join if the situation arises, men successfully sexualize my identity while concurrently dismissing the validity of a WLW relationship. Other men have told me they can “turn me straight” or “f**k the gay out of me.” Even my friends have admitted they believe my sexuality to be a phase or confusion, with two (male) friends sitting me down to tell me that I am straight and that I like men exclusively. Furthermore, I have people asking me about my sex life so I can “prove” that I actually like women. Personally, I would never dream of asking someone about their sexual history as a way to flirt, but I guess that’s just me.
Overall, sexuality is fluid and has no specific look. Identity as a whole isn’t binary, so I don’t see why sexuality has to be or why people have to declare theirs in order to be accepted. Sexuality is expressed differently person to person, so why not just let people mind their own business and love who they love.