By Weston Kelly and Blake Kim
“What is happening,” Christopher Robin screams, mirroring our exact thoughts as we view the horrifying opening scene of this unbearable movie. Whoever produced this hate crime is undoubtedly a sadist, as only someone who enjoys hurting others could create it. The cinematic remake Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey can only be described as a hate crime when compared to the wholesome nature of the original narrative. They took everything sweet and innocent about our childhood friend Pooh and dumped it into a blender with a dark, twisted plot.
Before diving into this scarring rendition of a classic tale, we expected to be greeted with a friendly introduction which subsequently descended into chaos. Contrarily, the film begins with a brutal exposition followed directly by the death of Robin’s fiancé. Soon after Christopher Robin, our beloved friend, is captured and tortured by his psychotic animal companions. Pooh and Piglet kill anyone they come across, devouring them to stay alive.
There are so many reasons why this movie deserves a negative rating. Firstly Rhys Frake-Waterfield completely upheaved Winnie the Pooh’s core characters—Winnie, Tigger, Piglet, Eeyore—some were even killed off within the first 2 minutes of the film. Pooh, the lovable bear with a honey addiction, became a brooding, angry creature. Piglet? He turns into a rebellious anarchist pig with a dark side, dramatically wielding a sledgehammer and chains. The character creation is just so terrible, with an abrupt backstory and no true feeling. Similarly, Pooh and Piglet don’t even look like themselves, they’re just two big guys in bear and pig masks. Similarly, the acting in this movie was absolutely and undeniably dreadful. Each delivered sentence appeared awkward and lacked quality, and the characters in the movie made such stupid decisions. Instead of driving away from a six-foot-two bear man, a group of men decided to take out a bat and try to fight it. As you can guess, every single one of them received a gory and bloody end. Almost every death was caused by a brainless and ignorant decision, fueled by anger or fear.
This abomination of a movie was truly terrible. There were zero moments where we felt invested in the plot, or even felt some emotion for the characters besides “she is so stupid,” or “what is going on.” Irredeemable, this movie is an undisputed 0/10.