By Gavin Bowyer
Chicken is the most consumed meat in the world (this is completely false) and is 100% delicious (except for when it’s not). Chicken comes in many different styles, saúteed, fried, baked, and these are just a few. Of course, chicken can be delicious no matter how it is cooked, however, I will be ranking only places where their chicken is fried in tons of oil and drenched in sauce, simply for the enjoyment of lazy Americans, such as Weston Kelly. So without further ado, here is the TRUE TOP 7 RANKING of chicken fast food establishments.
7. 
(This is a random pick from the Internet) Unfortunately for Weston Kelly, his precious chicken place isn’t all that amazing. In case you are wondering, this place is known as Starbirb, and their chicken isn’t crispy, nor is it flavorful, and their sandwiches are drier than a clod of dirt after being torched by a flamethrower. Fortunately for them, their drinks are good so it has earned a spot as the only place I would go just to get a drink out of any fast-food place. If Starbirb was ranked, it would be in Copper 1. 10/10 (best chicken place ever)
6.
Coming in 6th place, is the (not so) esteemed Buffalo Wild Wings. Picture this, it’s game day and you and your buddies are looking for a place to eat while watching your favorite team. If you find yourself in this scenario often then Buffalo Wild Wings is the establishment for you, otherwise, DO NOT GO. BWW is hardly known for quality food, including their chicken wings/ sandwiches which are sub-par at best. The only reason BWW made it on the list is that I haven’t eaten at enough chicken places to fill out the list, however, it does slightly top KFC. 1/10
5.
Coming in 5th, we have Kentucky’s own Fried Chicken. You are wrong if you truly believe KFC is the best fried chicken spot. This sad excuse for a fast food place should’ve stayed in Kentucky with Colonel Sanders himself because their food is pitiful. The best thing about KFC is the Taco Bell that will usually be attached to the building as a last-ditch effort to save the trash heap. In fairness, I haven’t had KFC since I was like 8, but I will die on this hill if I must. In truth, KFC isn’t horrible, but the quality has declined, because it wasn’t all that it was chalked up to be. 3/10
4.
I’ve never had Raising Cane’s but it seems tasty. Mostly I needed something to make it a nicer number (because 5 is too few and 5 seems odd) so I added it. I don’t see how it could be worse than the others (especially the (delicious(ly))) horrendous Starbirbs. Genuinely I would like to try Raising Cane’s so if you feel like buying me some that would be appreciated 🙂 Starbirb/10
INTERLUDE – Before we get into the Top 3 we have some honorable mentions:
El Pollo Loco/Chipotle (Both have elite chicken but aren’t solely chicken places)
Any Chicken food truck ever (You know that their chicken gotta be elite)
Panda Express (The orange chicken is absolutely amazing)
Dishonorable mention:
Chick-Fil-A
Does anybody go to Chick-fil-A for the chicken and not just the sauce?
Starbirbs Part 2 
If it were up to me, we should get rid of every Starbirb ever … because they all should be installed in every person’s house and the school as a personal food place for every person. Starbirb/10
3. 
Wingstop is great for what it is, a place made simply for chicken wings. Do you want spicy? They got just the wings for you. Do you want sweet? They got those too. The ranch at Wingstop pairs perfectly with their wings as well, and along with the cheese fries, Wingstop has everything you need. The straight-up range of flavors and the quality of the fry on the chicken sends this place over the top, safely locking it into the top 3. 6.5/10
2.
POPEYES IS AMAZING. The chicken is ABSOLUTELY amazing. It is juicy, but still has an amazing crunch, and is packed with amazing spices and flavors. On top of this, their cajun fries, biscuits, mac n’ cheese, and chili all smack. As the cherry on top, the sauces and drinks at Popeyes make it especially great. Popeyes is literally on par with 21 Savage, who is the best rapper and overall music artist of our generation. Popeyes has everything a person could need, from their splendid sandwiches to their terrific tenders. 10/10
Starbirb part 3? Some would say Starbirb is as delicious as lasagna soup. The establishment is revered as much as the mighty, but mythical, Dr. Pepper. I believe Weston Kelly once said, “Starbirbs is delicious”. Perchance. Regardless, Starbirbs the idea vs Starbirbs the restaurant displays greatly the importance of chicken as a political body. Simply put, because Joe Biden has eaten Starbirbs, and Weston Kelly has eaten Starbirbs, Weston Kelly should be president. 100/10