When you grow up with a person, there are some facts you take for granted. My dad, for example, always drinks six cups of coffee and skips “Yellow Submarine” when it comes on. My mom blasts teeny-bopper music when she cleans and prefers to park on the street. My older sister will never close the bathroom door and turns the bass down to -3 in the car. And Averi Halbert? Well, Averi can run about ten times faster than anyone I know and is deaf. Or is she? As it turns out, one of these just may be a lie…
Observing Averi as I have over the years, I’ve begun to question a characteristic that seems integral to her character. It was always a little suspicious that she spoke so well and communicated without difficulties to me, so I began to test her so-called “deafness,” and really dig for answers.
One of the first signs that has tipped me off is her ability to hold an entire conversation without her cochlear’s on. What she calls “lip-reading,” I call “bullshit.” Once, as we packed for a trip to Mexico, I was listing clothing items to my mother in Spanish—with a british accent. Averi, fresh out of the shower with no ears in sight, walked into the room and said, “no, Marina, you don’t need to bring 12 shirts. And stop speaking Spanish with a British accent, you sound stupid.” Ignoring the hurtful jab at my intelligence, we can address the glaring issue. There is no way she should have known not only the language (and translated it to know what I said, because obviously Averi sucks at Spanish), but the inflection with which I spoke! Something was clearly afoot.
On several other occasions, she’s responded to questions I ask from outside the room, when my lips are clearly out of sight and she has no way of hearing me. One night, since we share a wall, I yelled at her to “be quiet,” as she puttered around hanging up clothes well after midnight. My mom informed me she had no ears on, and yet I heard her yell back, “sorry, I’ll be quieter.” When asked, she responded, “I felt the vibrations.” Tell me you’re not convinced.
Clearly, Averi’s so-called “deafness” should be regarded as highly suspect and tested at every possible moment. If you would like to help me get to the bottom of this conspiracy, try scaring her with a loud “Boo!” when she has no ears on and see if you can’t get a reaction. I know something smells fishy hear, and I won’t let up until I know the truth. I’m on to you, Averi.