By Emi Gruender
Starting high school isn’t pretty. I like to assimilate high school to riding a bike. But the bike is on fire. And you are on fire. And everything is on fire because you’re in H-E- double hockey sticks. Sure, riding a bike is easy, but riding it in Hades Realm is not something one’s prepared for.
On the off chance a freshman is actually reading Issue 1 of the Shield, and decides this article is worth their time, they’ll find some particularly helpful advice.
Before you roll your eyes and click off, I promise you: the contents of this article are unorthodox, extremely specific, but entertaining nonetheless. If none of my nuggets of wisdom seem useful, at least you’ll get some amusement out of this colossal waste of time.
My name’s Emi Gruender. I’m a certified AnnoyanceTM in my sophomore year at Westmont.
#1: Wear Deoderant. Please.
The inspiration for this piece of advice—borderline plea—is inspired by my brief walk into the boys’ locker room at the beginning of the year. With all due respect, that room needs Febreze air fresheners stuck on every locker. We’re highschoolers. We sweat. I’m sure you’ll believe this without even citing a source, because chances are, you’ve smelled it up close before, too.
Additionally, smelling good makes one feel more confident. Personally, I would feel more secure introducing myself while smelling like freshly washed linen than a foot locker. Just saying.
#2 You Ain’t Got Nothing To Lose. Just do it, Nike style.
The friends you bring along with you from middle school or even elementary may feel like a lifeline, socially, once you enter highschool. Everyone is old(er), dead inside, and a survivor of being hit by the freight train we know as puberty, so the familiar faces may seem like floaties in a storm.
Though everyone’s experience is different, I would suggest reaching out to others. High school is one of the biggest social pools you will ever be exposed to—and, bonus points—you all get to suffer together! Nothing says friendship like some shared hardship. If your current friends are just friends of proximity or convenience, I would suggest holding on by just a little string, but overall, learn how to swim. Under the raging waves, there’s actually marine life like you never imagined underneath. You’ll regret it if you don’t take the little time you have to explore.
#3: Freshies are Friends, Not Food!
When I was a little freshie girl, I walked up to the gates with a stereotypical smile on my face and a heart full of hope, and then I saw the upperclassmen shuffling around the school like sleep-deprived, caffeinated zombies in Shein and baggy jeans, and I thought to myself, “Yeah. Those are full-grown adults.”
I promise you. All of my upperclassmen friends that I talk to confess that they don’t feel like an adult at all, never mind the formalities of being a “legal adult’ at 18. They might feel daunted and terrified about the world of responsibility and college and adulthood that virtually no one is preparing them for. They might be just as scared as you are, a puny little freshman with knobbly knees and hope that is still intact.
Don’t be scared of upperclassmen. They might be more grown up than you, but as long as you aren’t obnoxious, you’ll find that they remember what it’s like to be a freshman, too.
DISCLAIMER: Freshies are friends, not food. Most upperclassmen do not bite. Most.
It’s alright. I still feel like a new freshman. I understand where all your fears are coming from, and I will be empathetic. That does not mean, however, that I will not laugh at you for being a freshman. Don’t worry-you’ll get your turn in a year.
#4: Do your best to eat breakfast.
Keep thy inner Scrooge at bay. I’m the kind of person that lives 15 minutes away from Westmont, has to leave at 7:45 to drop my brother off at 8; and wakes up at 7:30. Yeah. I know. Even if it’s just a banana, a really low-quality food bar, something is better than nothing.
Except energy drinks. Never drink Monster or Redbull on an empty stomach ESPECIALLY IN THE MORNING unless you want cramps and/or throw up 😀 Learned that little piece of wisdom from a trial by fire, ladies, gents, and those in between.
#5: High school is your cow- milk it, for god’s sake
As you can tell, I have an unrestrained love for metaphors. It’s gotten out of hand, really. My unbridled affection for unsolicited yet strangely accurate metaphors combined with the drama instilled in me by having an interest in Theatre has amounted to a surplus of confusing, extremely hyperbole-heavy sentences.
Moving on, high school is rich with diverse opportunities. Sports, theatre, tons of clubs, ASB, there are too many possibilities to count. College classes dual enrollment is even available. If you do some research beforehand, you may find something that interests and fits you, and who knows? That one Google search or word with your counselor could change your life—to be dramatic.
Hopefully the Esteemed Shield Teacher will not read this until I have edited my lapses in consciousness out of this article, and oh, horror! The To-Be verbs! Okay, it’s late, goodnight.
Little Crumbs of Advice with Little-To-No Elaboration:
- Bring different PE shoes to keep in the locker. Your feet will thank you when
- It’s raining
- The dreaded Mile approaches.
- Participate in a language class, even if you think it’s stupid. Would you like to know what really looks stupid? A bunch of adolescent teenagers that don’t have the confidence to make a fool of themselves
- Smile at people until your cheeks hurt. Preferably not murderously.
- Thank the people working in the lunch line. It goes a long way. (If you see me, say hi :D)
- Don’t run to the lunch line.
- Deadlines creep around corners and shank you when you least expect it. If you procrastinate, don’t beat yourself up about it. As long as you do it, no one will know! Trust me, I’m writing this article 2 days before the first draft is due. I know! I’m definitely not the most qualified person to give stable advice, but at least you’re learning/laughing from my suffering.
- If you say the M word (the famous Scottish Tragedy™, search it up) in the theatre, Jeff Bengford will personally haunt you. If I, on the other hand, find out you said it, I will write a pointed, semi-vague article depicting the horrific fates that met those who said the word in the Theater. Superstition exists in theatre. Do not try your luck.
- If you do Theatre, worship your techs.
- If you do sports, stretch.
And lastly…
- No one’s life is as good as it seems. Stop comparing your life to the side people let you see. Maybe the grass is greener because it’s fake.