Sex? Ew.

By Alessandra Kelly

Asexuality—the lack or absence of sexual attraction to others—often confuses the general public as a concept. Firstly, asexuality refers to sexual attraction, not romantic attraction. Romantic attraction falls under the spectrum of aromanticism; however, the two spectrums may coincide if an individual shares a difference in both romantic and sexual attraction. Fortunately, sexuality allows for overlap across multiple spectrums, since every individual remains entirely different from one another. 

Yet, asexuality has some key identifiers to distinct experience from experience. For example, asexuality is not the same thing as celibacy, or the decision to not to have sex; similarly, individuals which experience low sexual desire due to a medical condition or other reason generally don’t fall under the spectrum of asexuality. Some individuals may claim experiences in the past have led them to a forced asexuality/demisexuality, but ultimately, these titles remain up to each person’s own discretion for use.  

In most cases, asexuality is an attribute someone is born with. While the definition indicates an individual feels no sexual attraction to others, the spectrum provides room for different circumstances. Demisexuals, grey-asexuals, quoi-sexuals—all label the different experiences individuals may relate to across the spectrum. For demisexuals, sexual attraction solely occurs when the individual remains emotionally bonded to a partner, possibly of any gender. 

Often, the stigma surrounding asexuality results in many questioning the individual’s reaction to sex when the person identifies along the spectrum. Contrary to popular belief, as a demisexual, sex isn’t disgusting to me. Conversely, each individual along the asexual spectrum hold different feelings toward the idea of sex. For instance, grey-asexual people feel asexual, but some cases allow for them to feel sexually attracted to someone. Additionally, quoi-sexual people often relate to not completely understanding their own sexual attraction toward others. Each experience remains completely unique to every individual; therefore, learn to accept those different in every which way.